I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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