He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I supernannyed him into submission
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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