Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
