Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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