If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
