I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
