so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
