I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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