We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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