he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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