oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
