I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize