he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
