I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
