i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
