how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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