M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
