so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
two words: eviction party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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