i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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