Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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