I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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