My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
