so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
