and you said cock pushups were impossible
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
