Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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