I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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