So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
only you would photoshop your dick
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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