Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My pussy is not your playground.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
