sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
