You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize