were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
