Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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