You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
