Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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