I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
