so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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