Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
