Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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