I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Boobs are out for the taking
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wear drunk well.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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