I faked an abortion last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
