We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
