I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
