What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
