You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize