Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
