hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize