I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
