Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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