If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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