I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
