I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
