He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't put those talents on a resume
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
