Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
