yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
