what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
