Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
