But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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