Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
