If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize