I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
