I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
