i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
