He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
