Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize