I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Randomize
