party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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