If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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