I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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