i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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