remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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