some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
