i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
