I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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