The maid of honor just puked.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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